3 AM
by TheWimpzilla
Summary: Some stories were never meant to be posted. Filed under Humor and Tragedy for reasons I should probably know.
1. A penny for your thoughts

**I think we've all done this. You're sleepy, tired, about to fall asleep, when an idea hits you that's just so great you have to write it down.**

**The following morning you read your great idea, and are left to ask yourself, "What was I thinking??"**

**That is exactly what this collection is. The stories within are things I wrote that are too meaningless, irrelevent, or weird to post anywhere else. I've named this collection "3 AM" because I usually concieve these stories late into the night (or early in the day depending on how you look at it).**

**These pieces aren't necessarily bad, some are actually quite an interesting read. They just have a few tweaks to be done before I would consider dedicating it to a oneshot or as part of a story. And so they are showcased here, so that they get a taste of the spotlight for what few moments they may.**

* * *

"I was sleeping soundly when something interrupted slumber" a voice sounded out.

Luigi's eyes fluttered open. He sat up in bed, irritated that something woke him early.

"I was hoping to have slept longer" The voice continued. Luigi jumped in his seat.

"Who said that?" Luigi asked timidly.

"I was greeted with a voice that startled me." The strange voice continued. "I was scared, but also intrigued at the same time."

"Who are you??" Luigi asked, fearful of the answer.

"The person ignored my question, and talked as if I was not there. But I would not be ignored, I demanded to know what was going on. I shouted,"

"Leave me alone!" Luigi bellowed. "Don't think you're scaring me because you're not!"

The voice continued it's monologue. "I told the voice I was not scared of it, although that was a lie. Deep down I was truly afraid of what was happening, and what this person wanted from me. I quickly hastened out of the room, in hopes of escaping the voice that haunted me so."

Luigi leapt from his bed and dashed out of the room. He ran down the hallway still in his underwear from the night before. The voice became quieter as Luigi ran through his home, and became totally silent once Luigi made his way downstairs. Mario looked his way.

"Hey bro," Mario greeted, "What's got you all freaked out?"

"Nothing." Luigi lied. He heard about what happened to people who claimed to hear voices, and there was no chance he was going down that road.

"Then how come you're still in your boxers?" Mario questioned. He could clearly tell something was wrong.

"Um, I'm just so excited about breakfast I couldn't wait!" Luigi said, rubbing his stomach to reinforce his fictitious excuse. "In fact, I'll go make some pancakes right now!"

Before Mario could utter another word Luigi ran into the kitchen, grabbing the essential things he needed to prepare his famous buttermilk pancakes.

"I'm going upstairs to grab my iPod before I go out." Mario yelled from the living room. "Do you want me to toss down some clothes for you while I'm up?"

"Sure!" Luigi yelled back, too engrossed in his pancakes to care much about Mario's stair climbing ambitions. As the first pancake was finished, Luigi heard the soft thud of his clothes hitting the ground behind him. He turned around just in time to see Mario bolt out the front door for his morning jog, the iPod attached to his arm blasting "Eye of the Tiger".

Once Mario was gone, Luigi dropped the breakfast act and put on his clothes. With a sigh he pondered about that voice he heard earlier. Maybe it was a stupid prank, or maybe Luigi actually was going mad.

"It's probably just Cabin Fever." Luigi concluded. "A little trip out of the house might do me good."

Luigi went upstairs and found his house keys waiting patiently for him on the bed's side desk. He pocketed the keys, also grabbing some loose change in the drawer and a book in case he wanted to buy something or found the perfect reading spot under a shady tree.

Luigi made his way out the door and casually walked down the path leading through his yard.

"The flower's sweet aroma filled my nose as I made my way into town." The voice said once more. "Suddenly I stopped, unable to move my feet."

Luigi stopped in his tracks the second he heard the voice. He looked left and right for the little prankster that was following him.

"I searched again for the voice's origin. But it was again in vain. I could've searched all day but I would never find that irritating voice that had caused me so much trouble. So instead I decided too abort my search and instead try to ignore the pestering annoyance."

Luigi made his way out the front gate, deciding that if he tried hard enough then he could just ignore the voice altogether.

"I finally made my way to town." The voice continued, "Although the babbling of the unknown person had grated against my every nerve, I pushed forward. Suddenly my stomach ached, showing me the errors of missing out on breakfast."

Luigi's stomach grumbled loudly. He gasped in shock, surprised that someone else could sense when he was hungry, what he was feeling, what he was thinking.

"But there is no possible way another person could know what I was thinking" I thought to myself with more fear and anxiety than ever." The voice almost shouted, a maniacal tone in his voice. "I began to double guess myself. Only I knew what I was thinking. The voice must've been in my head. I was going insane!"

Luigi ran as fast as he could, fighting the urge to scream as he sprinted. He dashed through the town center, taking note of the many stands and shops.

"I'm just hungry!" The voice yelled. "I just need food. Then it'll be all okay. I just need food. That's all."

Luigi ran to the nearest food stand he saw. He grabbed the vendor by the apron.

"Please, give me something to eat!" Luigi pleaded. "I need something NOW!"

The startled vendor hesitated before responding, "Uh, this is a scone stand. So I could suggest a scone."

"I'll take it!" Luigi shouted. He grabbed every coin his pocket and slammed it onto the counter. "Take it all! I don't care, just give me something to eat!"

The vendor searched for the closest scone to him and quickly gave it to the poor customer. Luigi grabbed it eagerly and shoved it in his face, eating it as fast as he could. Luigi ran back from wherever he came from, still stuffing the scone into his mouth.

Somewhat shocked by the scene, the vendor counted up what coins Luigi had left on the counter in his rush to get a scone. Luigi had given him about 75 cents more than what he would've charged for the scone. Deciding to treat it as a hefty tip, the vendor began shoveling the change into his cash register. The glint off of one of the coins caught his eyes.

The vendor, intrigued by the coin, held it up to the light to take a gander at it's shiny reflection. He heard a voice, although no one was in front of him.

"I admired the glimmering shine the coin reflected off of it's smooth surface." The haunting voice announced. "It was like no other coin I had seen in my life. It was as if the coin had a mind all it's own."

* * *


	2. Koopa talk

**It seems that many enjoyed that last chapter, and I'll admit it had an interesting ploy to it. But it just seemed too strange and out of place to include in a story or a OneShot. However, some ideas are rejected for just being downright stupid. A fine example would be this little piece of dialogue I cut out from an earlier chapter of "The "L" Stands For Loser". It's amazing what my mind can be amused with at 3 in the morning...**

* * *

"Hey Koopa dad!" Bowser Jr. greeted.

"Hey Koopa son!" Bowser said back, "How do you like my new koopa throne?"

"It's koopa-awesome!" Bowser Jr. said, giving his father a thumbs up.

Bowser cracked a koopa grin. "So what koopa trouble are we going to koopa cause today?"

"My best koopa friend Jeremy knows how to make really sticky koopa glue!"

"Genius!" Bowser exclaimed with koopa excitement. He rubbed his koopa hands together in evil, koopa like fashion. "When those stupid Mario brothers aren't looking, we'll koopa break down their door and koopa squirt all of our koopa glue all over their non-koopa home with koopa ferocity!"

"Koopa Power!" Bowser Jr. Koopa yelled.

"Koopa alert for his koopa highness your most koopa-esque graciousness." A koopa announced with koopa urgency, thrusting his koopa phone into the koopa king with koopa speed.

"Koopa King Koopa speaking!" Bowser responded in true koopa like fashion. "What in the Koopa do you want?"

"Yeah, Koopa King? We got a Koopa order down here at the Koopa Pizzeria for a Koopa delivery of 6 Koopa Deluxe Specials."

"Yeah."

"We were just calling to see if you wanted extra Koopa sauce with that."

"No thanks." King Koopa said, slamming the phone down with Koopa force as he glared at his Koopa son for making such a Koopa order of Koopa pizzas.

"That will be all Koopa." Bowser said, waving his Koopa minion away with his scaly Koopa hand. The Koopa obliged with Koopa loyalty, leaving the Koopa King's throne room at Koopa speed once more.

"I'm Koopa sorry" Bowser Jr. said.

"It's okay son." The Koopa king said. He patted the Koopa prince with Koopa tenderness before waving off his Koopa son to do more Koopa acts of evil. But before his Koopa son left the Boss Koopa's throne room, the Koopa King asked him a very important, Koopa question.

"Hey son, you know how words sound weird when you hear them over and over?"

"Yeah dad?" The Koopa prince asked. "Why?"

"I don't know." The Koopa King replied. "It's just... I've kept saying "Yogurt" over and over in my head and now it just sounds weird."

The Koopa prince Koopa shrugged before running off with Koopa speed to do Koopa acts of Koopa evil.

* * *

**O_0 ..................yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaah..................**


	3. Number 7

**This one was inspired by the show "Solitary". I've only seen one episode, but the idea behind the show was intriguing to me. So I thought I might try it out with Mario characters, except with a little twist.**

**The results are... frightening. Honestly, I don't know what possessed my to write this, but here it is in black and white. **

* * *

Toad woke up.

He was flat on the ground, staring up at the ceiling. He felt tired, despite the fact that he felt like he was asleep for ages.

After some blinking Toad's eyes focused to the light. He found himself in a small, claustrophobic room. It was in the shape of a perfect octagon, with each wall about 3 feet long each. The walls were almost plastic looking, their white polished look gleaming with the fluorescent lights above him.

"Wh-where am I?" Toad asked. His clothing felt unfamiliar and heavy. Looking down he found himself in an orange denim jumpsuit embroidered with an undecorated "7".

"Hello players." A synthesized voice greeted. Toad jumped, surprised by the sudden announcement. He spun around to see two things of interest.

One of those things was a single steel door that spanned the entire width of the wall it occupied. A large readout attached to the front of the door displayed, "6:23:53" in bright red digits.

The second thing that caught Toad's attention was a flat screen television placed just above the door. All it showed was a green screen.

"Welcome to "Isolation"," The screen blared. "Our newest reality tv series. As many of you noticed there is only one door that leads out of your rooms. The only thing that prevents you from leaving this room is the time-lock we have placed in it."

The red clock ticked down to "6:23:52"

"For the next 7 days this will be your home."

"You have to be kidding me!" Toad exclaimed.

"I see some of you are upset by this news." The voice continued. So other people were on this show too. And if Toad's jumpsuit meant anything, there were atleast 6 other people playing. "But fret not, because you can earn your time to be shortened through physical and mental challenges. In fact, your first challenge begins now."

A loud clang sounded out behind Toad. It echoed through the tight space for a few seconds before fading out. Toad turned around to find a dumbbell on the floor. Toad looked at the ceiling just in time to see the slot closing, which clued that his supplies would be dropped from the ceiling when needed.

"You see that dumbbell?" The voice asked. "That is your first challenge. Suspend the bar above your head for the longest and you win."

Toad only had to take one step to the dumbbell before having to bend over and pick it up. He was surprised how light it was. It certainly wasn't a feather, but it looked much heavier than it was.

"Heh, this is going to be easy." Toad said. If he won every challenge then he'd make it out of this stupid room in no time.

10 minutes into the challenge and Toad wasn't even breaking a sweat. He couldn't see how this was suppose to physically challenging in the slightest.

"Hey are you doing players?" The voice asked. "Are your arms tired yet?"

Toad shrugged. His arms felt a bit stiff, but other than that there wasn't anything wrong.

The voice continued. "Good, then we're ready for stage 2."

The bar suddenly became very heavy. Unprepared for the sudden change Toad threw the bar to the ground before it crushed him. His expression was shock and confusion.

"What the-!"

"Magnetism." The voice explained. "Isn't it a neat little thing? I see that Numbers 2, 4, 6, 7, and 9 have dropped their dumbbells. 3 hours will be penalized to your remaining time.

Toad's clock blipped from 6:23:42 to 7:02:42. Toad couldn't believe it.

"You have to be kidding me!" Toad shouted. "You can't do that!"

"I would suggest picking up your dumbbells players. Your challenge is not over."

With anger Toad picked up his dumbbell again. It weighed twice as much as before. 2 minutes into it and Toad was almost ready to drop his dumbbell again just to take a break. 5 minutes later his arms were in a new world of pain. Then they reached the 10 minute mark once more.

"We will now go to stage 3." The voice said.

Before Toad even had the time to analyze what the voice said the floor's magnetism was cranked up again. Toad threw the dumbbell to the ground again.

"JEEZ!" Toad screamed. The clock blipped again. 7:05:32. Toad screamed with frustration.

"Players, I would like for you to take notice of the red button that should now appear at the foot of your doors."

With a glare Toad looked at the floor across the floor. He hadn't noticed the button before, but there it was. It was round and no larger than his foot.

"You may push that button at any time to quit any challenge. You will no longer have to take the challenge, but your game will be at risk, because the first person to push that button will be eliminated from this game. The winner and elimination will be announced once every person has pushed the red button."

Toad didn't give it a second thought. There was no possible way he was going to pick up that dumbbell, and he was not a fan of being stuck in this room for an entire week, or more. He stomped on the red button.

The screen went red.

Silence filled the room. To entertain himself in the mean time Toad whistled himself a tune and sat in the corner. He knew he was going home first, and that was what he wanted. All he had to do was wait while all the other 8 or more fools played this challenge out.

As the clock struck 7:04:58 the voice sounded out once again. "Players, the challenge is over. Number 3 is the winner and will have 9 hours subtracted from his time. Remember, the first player to escape their room is the winner."

"Yeah, yeah" Toad thought to himself. "Just hurry up and let me out."

"Number 7 has chosen to quit first, and will be eliminated."

Toad saw the red numbers on his steel door changed from "7:02:12" to "0:00:00". He hopped to his feet and waited for the door to open. He yearned to breath fresh air.

Scraping metal was heard above him. Craning his neck back, he saw that the ceiling now sported long, sharp spikes pointing to the floor. The slow creak of gears clanking together filled the room as the roof began to inch closer to the floor.

"Wait, what's happening!" Toad yelled.

"You have chosen to eliminate yourself Number 7." The voice said. "You are now being removed from the game."

"No!" Toad yelled. "No, please! Open the door!". Toad rammed the steel door. He bounced back onto the floor without leaving a mark on the cold metal.

The roof was now halfway to the floor. Toad scrambled to the side of the room opposite of the door and ran full speed into the door. He smacked hard into the unforgiving steel and was knocked to the floor again.

The spikes were now so close to the floor Toad couldn't stand up strait. He crawled across the floor and pressed himself to the wall, trying to avoid the spike. Toad pleaded for the ceiling to stop, for the door to open, for a second chance to get out the fair way. But no one was there to listen. Nothing was in the room except a single dumbbell and a sharp spike inches from Toad's face and approaching fast.

Toad never saw the door open.

* * *

**One reason I didn't cotinue this was**

**1. It's just creepy.**

**2. It would get boring to write and read really fast, having people stuck in a white, sterile room with the same ending every chapter.**

**However, if someone wanted to continue this feel free to do it. I'm not going to write it any time soon.**


	4. B&P 4 EVER

**I've always held the belief that among the world's controversies and arguments, that there were some topics that were clear in what was wrong and what was right, and that everyone held the same beliefs about these subjects throughout the world and all time.**

**UNTIL THE DAY THAT BELIEF WAS CHALLENGED BY AN AUTHOR, WHO DARED TO PUT THE WORDS, "BOWSERxPEACH" IN HIS SUMMARY!**

**Actually it isn't one specific author, but rather a unique collection of such writers who challenged all sense of rationality and common sense to bring us such a strange and incredulous coupling.**

**In order to wrap my head around such a concept, I decided that writing such a fiction might help me understand what would possess people to write this. But it ended up more cynical and sarcastic than relevant and explanatory.**

* * *

Bowser stroked the princess's hair gently with his clammy claws, as he romantically commanded his troops to kill and destroy any plumber who dared to approach his castle.

"You're so dreamy when you try to kill innocent people trying to do good." Peach said as she snuggled her favorite fire-breathing turtle. "Why must we go through this charade of you "kidnapping" me just so we can be together?"

"Because princess, no one will accept our love." Bowser growled in his raspy voice that turned Peach on so much. "Look at us, I'm a cold-blooded reptile, you're a fleshy human. No one would understand the random and almost entirely unbelievable romance we share between us."

"That's true." Peach admitted. "Psychology and rational thinking would dictate that I'd be a thousand more times attracted to someone of the same species of me that I would have a sense of security from instead of a scaly monster bent on forcing into a relationship, but I guess that's just how love works."

Bowser turned to his lover with dull, emotionless eyes and said, "Kiss me."

Peach looked at him longingly. "You know I want to, but it's physically impossible what with my two little lips and your two giant lips. You can't even pucker."

Bowser sighed heavily. "I know. Last time we tried I almost swallowed you whole."

Peach giggled, making Bowser smile. Peach went over and wrapped her arms around his hard body, failing to enclose the entirety of his enormous shell. Bowser wrapped his meaty arms around the princess and nearly choked her to death in his embrace.

"King Bowser, Mario is approaching fast to the castle after having almost effortlessly squished all of our troops under his massive weight."

"Again?" Bowser asked. He sighed as he rubbed his temples. "Alright. I guess we have no other choice."

Peach sadly looked at the ground, knowing that her precious time with Bowser was almost over. That stupid plumber always had to be such a goody-goody-two shoes. She wished he would just fall in a pit and die forever.

"I'll get in the cage." Peach said. Whenever Mario approached she and Bowser had to set it up to look like Peach was being held there against her will, in order not to raise suspicion

Just then a fat Italian man bearing an unattractive mustache bursted through the door, pointing an accusatory finger at Bowser.

"TIME TO DIE KOOPA!" Mario bellowed.

"In your dreams plumber!" Bowser said, standing his ground. He was going to lose again. He lost every time, because he always threw the final fight between him and Mario.

For one thing, if Mario actually killed him, then he couldn't be with Peach and his kingdom would be thrown into chaos. He found it much easier to feign his death and then return without explanation.

But if managed to kill the plumber then the Mushroom kingdom would send someone stronger. If he killed that person, an even stronger person would be sent, and the cycle would continue until he couldn't match the hero's strength and lost. But as long as he could kidnap the princess again then it would all be okay.

Mario jumped over Bowser. The koopa pretended to swat at him in the air and missed on purpose, and allowed him to land on a large, red button labeled "Kill Bowser". Bowser feigned a look of surprise and terror as the bridge below him collapsed and dropped him into the river of lava below. To a fire-breathing dinosaur with inflammable scales and shell this was pretty much a soothing hot tub for him.

Peach thanked Mario for his deed and pecked him on the cheek. As Mario did a celebratory dance and gave a thumbs up to no one in particular, she wondered how long it would take Bowser to return. As Mario led her out of the room she looked back at the river of lava. For a moment she thought she saw Bowser wink at her from beneath the surface.

* * *

**I can see how this idea would explain some of the mysteries of the Mario universe, such as why Peach is constantly kidnapped. But it's just... gross. That's honestly how I would describe this pairing. I don't mean any offense to fans/writers of this pairing, it's just really strange to me.**


	5. A Pane in the Glass

**Okay, so here's the story behind this chapter, because I think this one might need a little explanation. Bored during class one fine schoolday a group of friends and I held a conversation that eventually found it's way to the "Saw" franchise and the question of, "If I were put in a Jigsaw trap what would it be". I couldn't come up with an answer right out, but the idea played around in my head for awhile and I eventually came up with a Jigsaw trap for me. And poor Luigi gets to play it!**

**WARNING: If you are unfamiliar with "Saw" and are under 17, I suggest not looking into it. It's a Gory horror/thriller series. But don't fret, this chapter's easily rated T, although is up there with Ch. 3 of this series creepy-wise.**

* * *

Luigi woke up. He felt sore in every molecule of his body.

"_Oh man." _ Luigi thought to himself, _"That was some party last night."_

He opened his eyes to see a dark lit room, he couldn't see more than 3 feet in any direction. Luigi attempted to reach out and flip and lightswitch, but was prevented from doing so by the leather strap pinning him to his chair. He tried the other arm, which was strapped to the chair as well.

"What the-" Luigi exclaimed, struggling against the constraints of the chair. Even his legs were tied to the chair, completely bounding him to his seat.

Luigi's grunting and pleas for help were silenced at the sound of television static. He turned to see a small television to his right. The static continued for a few more seconds before the creepiest puppet Luigi ever saw came on the screen.

"Geno?" Luigi asked.

"Hello Luigi." The puppet began, using a voice that was only earned through smoking 20 packs a day for 15 years, "You may not know me, but I certainly know you. You are Mario's younger, less talented, less popular, less masculine, less handsome, less-"

"Can you get to the point?" Luigi asked.

"...less intelligent brother." The puppet finished, "You live your life in the shadows of your brother-"

"Well his stomach makes for a pretty big shadow." Luigi said, chuckling to himself.

"SILENCE!" The puppet shouted. Luigi kept his lips shut. "Now, you are content with this life, acting as the housemaid and cooking for that fat plumber. You always put others before yourself. Today, I teach you to take care of yourself first."

"...Okay." Luigi said, confused why he had to be strapped to a chair to hear this.

"Now Luigi, people have known you for your skills in the kitchen, but I notice there is a vital ingredient missing from your culinary confections."

Suddenly a light from the ceiling turned on, putting a spotlight on a suspended platform right in front of Luigi which he could not see earlier. Luigi screamed and struggled with his straps at the sight of what was on that platform.

"Vegetables." The puppet concluded.

On that platform was a mountain of broccoli. Not a simple plate of broccoli, but a certified mountain of broccoli stacked higher than Luigi's head.

"Luigi, you have detested vegetables all your life, and avoided eating them through "clever" means of passing them to dogs under tables and spitting them back into your napkins. Today you learn to accept the things you've excluded from your life for so long, because now they act as the key to your salvation. I ask you to take a look to your left."

Luigi did so, and let out a small yelp as he stared down the double barrels of a shotgun. No matter how Luigi moved his head his brain was still in the line of fire.

"At the end of this tape the timer will begin to count down. You will have only 5 minutes before the gun fires. Eat fast Luigi. Let the game begin." And with that the puppet disappeared as the T.V. was remotely shut off.

"You're insane!" Luigi shouted, "You hear me whoever you are?? You're mentally insane!"

Ticking. Luigi looked at the shotgun once more, noticing the red digital display above it.

00:04:54

Luigi looked back at the plate of broccoli inches from his face. The platform the pile rested on was suspended by the ceiling. As Luigi followed the chain to the ceiling he saw it was wired through a system of pulleys, with a pane of bullet-proof glass attached to the other end of the chains. If dropped from the ceiling it would land perfectly between Luigi and the Shotgun, protecting him from the shot.

Luigi knew what he had to do. In order to remove the weight on the platform and allow the pane of glass to drop he would have to eat the broccoli and lighten the load. Luigi took a final look at the clock, noting that he had roughly 4 minutes and 30 seconds to get the job finished.

Luigi leaned forward and took a single broccoli between his teeth. He bit down and reeled as the horrible taste attacked his taste buds. These vegetables were by no means fresh, and were stale as well. Luigi cautiously chewed the broccoli, trying not to let it land on his tongue. But small bits still landed on his tongue, causing him to gag. Finally he swallowed, not willing to take another bite of broccoli ever again.

4 minutes left.

A single piece of broccoli took Luigi 30 seconds to down. He'd have to pick up the pace and soon. This time he took a large mouthful out of the pile, nearly spitting the pieces back out instantly. But he fought his gag reflex and chewed, the effort instantly taking double his will power to continue. The taste was horrifying, as was the ticking of the clock. Luigi chewed until the broccoli became a pasty mush, but he still couldn't bring himself to swallow. That would only mean he'd have to start the ordeal all over from the start again and again.

Finally he swallowed, feeling a little throw-up come up his throat. The clock was almost down to 3 minutes. Luigi was wasting his time.

"Oh god, why is this happening to me?" Luigi said through tears. Still sobbing, he took another mouthful of that nasty broccoli. His jaw ached with chewing, but he kept fighting. He had to drop that glass pane one way or another. But the pile wasn't getting any smaller. If anything, the pile now seemed larger than before with the knowledge of how slow Luigi was downing his vegetables.

Another gag as Luigi attempted to swallow. There was no way anybody truly enjoyed this stuff, it was bitter and tough to chew.

2 minutes left on the clock. The ticking grew louder with every passed second. Luigi wasn't sure if it was his imagination that the ticking was getting louder or if whoever put him had meant for it to do that. But either way it couldn't be ignored. Knowing that Luigi potentially only had 2 minutes left to live still kept his fighting spirit intact.

He took his 5th mouthful of broccoli. One would assume that it would have gotten a bit easier by now, but this mouthful was still as difficult to swallow as the first one was. On top of that, the platform didn't look like it had moved an inch. The pile wasn't getting any better either. Maybe it had gotten smaller, maybe, but it still wasn't enough. Luigi swallowed and went for another bite, tears streaming down his eyes with panic. With thoughts that he'd never see his loved ones again, that he'd die because he didn't have enough will power.

That broccoli would be his last meal.

Luigi looked at the clock, with 1 minute left before the trigger was pulled. He spit out the broccoli.

"SCREW IT!" Luigi said, knowing that the task was impossible at this point. With a desperate cry he slammed his head against the pile, knocking a large portion of broccoli to the floor. Luigi repeated the action, knocking even more broccoli over. The platform was slowly rising. Luigi reeled back and hit the pile with the hardest blow yet, releasing almost half of the pile to the floor beneath. The platform began rising at a faster pace.

The glass pane lowered from the ceiling, dropping quickly. Just before it smashed on the ground and shattered the chain caught the pane of glass, keeping it suspended between Luigi and the shotgun.

00:00:04

00:00:03

00:00:02

00:00:01

00:00:00

The bang from the shotgun nearly deafened Luigi's ears. Luigi shut his eyes as his muscles tensed up. Noticing that he was still breathing Luigi slowly opened one eye. The glass proof bullet did it's job, trapping the bullet in it's frame. It was as if time stopped around the bullet. Luigi smiled, chuckled, and then started outright laughing with relief that he had won, that he had beaten this guy's sick little game.

Luigi settled down after a minute or two. He looked left, and then right. And then left again.

"So... what now?" Luigi asked. He was still trapped to the chair, and lacking the skill of the great Toaddini, couldn't wriggle and squirm his way out of his constraints. Luigi waited patiently for a minute, staring into the darkness. Something else was going to happen, right? He had won, so this guy was going to come and release his bonds. Right?

"Hello?" Luigi asked. No response.

Luigi looked everywhere around him, perhaps there was a 2nd task to this game. But he found nothing but darkness and broccoli on the floor. There was a glint among the broccoli however. This caused Luigi to peer more closely at the broccoli, and after a few moment's time he saw it.

A single key wedged through a piece of broccoli.

"Today you learn to accept the things you've excluded from your life for so long, because now they act as the key to your salvation." rang through Luigi's head.

"they act as the key to your salvation."

Luigi squirmed in his seat, which was cemented firmly to the floor. Unable to move his legs or arms Luigi began to shout for help.

"HEY! IS ANYONE THERE!? ANYONE?? PLEASE, YOU HAVE TO HELP ME! PLEASE! PLEASE!!"

The ceiling lights were shut off, leaving only the light came from red readout displaying, "00:00:00". Luigi still continued to scream through the darkness. But nobody was there to listen.

* * *

**Remember to always eat your veggies kids! :P  
**


	6. Burger Bandwagon

**In response to Carl Jr.'s Youtube campaign for their new Mushroom Burger...**

* * *

"Hey Mario, who do you eat your Carl's Jr. portobello mushroom six dollar burger?" Luigi asked Mario enthusiastically from across the table.

Mario stared at him blankly. "Like any normal human being?" Mario responded with caution.

"How's that?" Luigi asked.

"I bite, chew, and swallow. How else can you do it?" Mario said.

"Well you have to use some finesse when handling such a Grade A burger." Luigi explained, "In it's current state of being stacked high with lettuce, tomato, sliced portobello mushroom, swiss cheese, char broiled meat patty and toasted sesame seed buns, it's pretty difficult to put in your mouth."

Mario looked at impressively tall burger and nodded in agreement.

"That why the first thing I do is flatten it. With my forehead." Luigi said, proceeding to slam his face hard against the burger.

"Okay..." Mario lingered.

"Once the burger is insertable we slice it into two even halves, and then suck out the condiments Dracula style." Luigi continued, biting into the side of the burger and sucking on it profusely. Mario was sickened by the sight of it.

"Now that the excess ketchup is gone, we remove the tomato, mushroom, and lettuce, and throw them into the box the burger came in. The sesame seed bun can also be thrown in." Luigi noted as he removed the top bun as well and tossed it in. "Stab repeatedly with a knife until the ingredients are cut up thoroughly. Then we close the box and shake it up to make a nice side salad."

As Luigi performed his demonstration Mario cautiously looked around the room. Everyone in the restaurant was looking at Luigi and his eccentric burger eating ways.

"And now that we've stripped our burger down the delicious meat patty, we get our forks ready." Luigi announced.

"_Well, at least he can eat one part of the burger like a normal person."_ Mario thought to himself. He watched as Luigi wedged the flat side of his knife between the patty and the plate, and then slammed on the forked end of the utensil, sending the patty airborne. In a rare feat of coordination Luigi then caught the patty in his mouth, and then clapped his hands together like a seal. Luigi did the same with the second half of the patty before continuing.

"And now that our meal is complete, we simply use the remaining bottom bun as a napkin to wipe any residue off our face. Then eat it." Luigi rubbed his face with the bun, managing to remove some ketchup left over from the "Dracula" stage of his eating performance.

"Our parents really didn't give you enough attention as a child did they." Mario said.

"No." Luigi sadly admitted through his mouthful of sesame seed bun.

Mario took the burger from its casing and took a giant bite out of it, slowly savoring it's flavor. He swallowed and went in for another bite but was interrupted by his head crashing through the ceiling of the restaurant.

"OW! What the-" Mario exclaimed, noticing that his brother was much smaller than before, and looking up at him with his jaw hung open.

"HEY! What do you think you're doing?" The manager said, emerging from the back of the restaurant to poke the now giant Mario intimidatingly in the stomach.

"I'm sorry." Mario said with his now very deep voice, "It's the mushrooms."

"I don't care what it is! If you're going to go "Hulk" on me then take it somewhere else where you won't be damaging my ceilings!"

"Look, I'll pay for the damages, alright?" Mario defended.

"Whatever." The Manager said, "Next time just eat your burger like a normal person instead of growing giant while eating."

"Yeah, Mario." Luigi interjected, "Eat your burger like a normal person."

* * *

**And that's how the Mario bros. eat their Carl's Jr. portobello mushroom six dollar burger. How do you eat yours?**


	7. Honoring the Pinky Swear

**Alright, I've returned to writing, "The L Stands For Loser" since I finally reached my goal of 150 reviews. *claps for self***

**I did this as a sort of warm-up before writing the next chapter, a parody of the infamous "Sonic Says" at the end of those old Sonic cartoons. Mario teached Luigi about the importance of not answering the door.**

* * *

"Come on, come on..." Luigi said with his eyes fixed on the clock. Just 45 more seconds, that's all he needed. Attempting to draw on any dormant psychic powers he possessed, Luigi willed time itself to move faster but thinking it over and over again in his mind.

"Just 30 more seconds, baby. You can do it!" Luigi said out loud. He was so close, it was practically in the bag. All he had to do was wait, and hope.

_Knock knock knock_

"Dang it!" Luigi shouted, "20 more seconds and that pizza would have been free!" He begrudgingly started towards the door with money he had hoped he wouldn't have to spend in hand. However, a mustachioed man in red stopped him in his tracks.

"Whoa there little buddy, you should never open the door to someone you don't know."

"Little buddy?" Luigi repeated.

"You never know if someone bad is waiting to hurt you when you open the door. Always make sure to get your mom or dad to open the door for you." Mario instructed.

"Our parents are dead Mario." Luigi reminded him coldly.

"Tony's Pizza Delivery! I got a steaming pepperoni and mushroom pie waiting for you!" The man at the door shouted.

"See Mario, it's just the pizza guy. Now let me open the door." Luigi said. He took another step to the door before Mario pushed him back again.

"That man could just be **impersonating** a pizza delivery man." Mario warned, "Never open the door to strangers when you're home alone or your parents are busy."

"Our parents are busy being dead!" Luigi repeated, "And I'm not alone, you're here too!"

"I'm just here to teach the kids important life lessons." Mario replied.

"Hello!" The pizza man shouted once more, "Is anybody home? I can hear you!"

"Mario, I haven't eaten anything all day, just let me get my not free pizza." Luigi insisted.

"Sorry, can't let you do that little bro." Mario said, blocking the front door. With a sigh Luigi put his money back on the counter.

"Fine, I won't answer the door. I'll microwave a hot pocket or something." Luigi said defeated.

"Promise?" Mario asked.

"Promise." Luigi answered begrudgingly. Mario stuck out his left pinky with the expectations that Luigi would pinky swear not to open the door. With a roll of his eye Luigi performed the handshake and exited for the kitchen.

"Good going bro!" Mario said with a thumbs up, "Remember kids, it's never cool to answer the door when you're parents aren't available, you could get really hurt."

"Okay, I'm getting sick of waiting out here!" The pizza man shouted, "I'm going back to the car and-"

The pizza man was interrupted by the sound of bullets ricocheting off the nearby buildings. Some pierced the window of the Mario Bros' home, one even taking out the lamp on the door side table.

"What was that!?" Luigi yelled once the spray of bullets ceased.

"Sounded like a drive-by." Mario commented, "I bet you're glad you didn't open the door now."

Before Luigi could respond a cry of pain sounded out through the neighborhood. The source of the screaming came from the pizza man at Mario's door.

"Oh my god! I got shot!" He screamed.

"Mario we have to help him!" Luigi said as he ran for the door.

"No can do bro, our parents aren't home." Mario said.

"There's no time for that life lessons crap!" Luigi said, shoving Mario aside, "There's a man dying on our door step."

"Luigi!" Mario shouted, stopping his little brother in his tracks, "You pinky swore that you wouldn't open the door."

"But Mario-" Luigi pleaded.

"PINKY SWORE!" Mario insisted. Luigi was a man of principal, and he understood that once a promise was made, especially with a pinky swear, you could not go back on it. Luigi's could only try to console the man through the crack under the door.

"Are you okay?" Luigi shouted.

"No." The pizza man replied weakly, "There's blood everywhere."

"Mario, he's bleeding! We have to help him!" Luigi tried to reason, "What is this, some sick form of the Milgram experiment??"

"This message requires you not to open the door." Mario merely responded.

"Please." The pizza man said, his voice getting weaker by the second, "This isn't... how I want... to die." He slowly got out through fits of coughing.

"I'm sorry!" Luigi said, his voice shaking with fear, "I can't open the door! I'm sorry!"

"Help..." The Pizza delivery man said almost inaudibly.

"Stay with me!" Luigi yelled, "I'll call help! Please, just tell me you're alive!"

Silence.

"Hello?"

Silence.

"Please, say something!" Luigi begged, "Anything!"

There was only more silence. Luigi finally let go, letting the tears flow from his eyes.

"I'm sorry." Luigi shuddered through his tears, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, sorry, s-o-r-r-y." Luigi apologized over and over again, choking on the last "sorry".

"Hey, cheer up bro!" Mario said as if nothing had happened, "Look at the bright side."

"WHAT BRIGHT SIDE!" Luigi demanded.

"Now your pizza is free!"

* * *

**Is it just me, or is every entry into this series becoming more morbid than the last one? I'm starting to scare myself.**


	8. The Mail Call that never was

"MAIL CALL!" Parakarry shouted. It was only a moment before Luigi emerged from the Mario Bros. house, ready to retrieve the day's mail.

"Good Morning, Parakarry." Luigi greeted, stuffing his hand into the mailbox.

"Salutations Luigi. And how are you today?"

"I'm fine." Luigi said as he began to scrape the bottom of the mailbox in a more furious fashion, "Say, there aren't any letters in here."

"Quite." Parakarry said.

"Then why did you say "Mail Call" if there wasn't any mail?" Luigi asked. It was one of the simplest parts of the mailman's job. If there's mail, let the receiver know, otherwise don't bother yelling at the house."

"I need to speak with you in private." Parakarry said, taking one last scan around the immediate area, "Is your brother still asleep?"

"Yeah." an unnerved Luigi replied, "What is this about?"

"I'm not who you think I am."

"You're _**not **_my mailman?" Luigi asked.

"Precisely. I'm not even Parakarry, my real name is Zeth Grabble, from the year 2045. I merely had to take on this disguise as your mailman in order to get close to you."

"Is this some kind of stupid joke?" Luigi asked, "Because if it's not I'm expecting an important letter."

"Listen to me!" Zeth demanded, "I hail from the distant future of Luigiland"

"This just keeps sounding less and less believable." Luigi commented.

"In the future you have married into royalty through Queen Daisy, in what was former Sarassaland. You were unexperienced with the power and responsibilities or ruling an entire land, and soon you became corrupted and power thirsty. You quickly became a cruel hearted dictator, and your frivolous consumption sucked the land dry of it's recourses. From the point in time from where I come from, it is but a desolate waste land on the brink of total collapse.

"As a last ditch effort and underground team of freedom fighters developed the technology to travel through time. I was elected to go into the past, and prevent this horrible future from ever happening. My objective was simply, to kill you."

Zeth Grabble pulled out a foreign device roughly in the shape of a pistol. Luigi jumped at the sight of it, now believing the tale because of the newly provided evidence. A laser pointed at his chest.

"However, the Luigi I met in this time period was not the Luigi I had expected him to be. He was a kind, gentle man. He had a heart of gold, and quickly made friends with those around him. Unfortunately myself included. I am sorry Luigi, but I have come too personally attached to our friendship to complete the mission. I just can't bring myself to shoot you down."

"Really?" Luigi asked, "So, then what are you going to do?"

"You must shoot yourself, for the good of the future." Zeth answered, handing Luigi the gun.

"ARE YOU INSANE!?" Luigi said, throwing the gun back at Zeth, "No way."

Zeth gave out a long sigh, "Alright, if that's how it's going to be. I will travel back in time and kill your biological father."

"Wait! What will happen to me?" Luigi asked, even though he already knew the answer.

"Don't worry. You'll just pop out of existence forever. You won't feel a thing. Goodbye, old friend." Zeth said, before disappearing in a giant ball of electricity.

A split second later Zeth returned in the same dramatic fashion with a triumphant look on his face, "The future is saved!"

"Um, I'm still here." Luigi said. Zeth's face instantly drooped.

"But... I killed your father. At least the man you told me was your father..." Zeth said.

"Well apparently, you got the wrong guy, since me and Mario are still here, right Mario?" Luigi said, calling through the front door for his brother. No response.

"Mario?" Luigi called once more. After another moment of silence Luigi headed into the house. After several minutes of frantic searching Luigi emerged with a frightened look on his face.

"Where's my brother!?" Luigi demanded.

"Well, by my best guess, you were in fact adopted in Mario's family. Thus killing his biological had no effect on you. I believe people in this time call that a, "Whoopsie".

"That is far more than a "whoopsie!" Luigi shouted, "You erased my only family from existence!"

"Don't worry Luigi, this can be prevented. All I have to do is go into the past and kill myself."

"Are you insane? Why do you always have to kill someone?"

"..."

"Zeth?"

"..." Zeth stared blankly at Luigi. Finally Zeth dropped to his knees, and then onto his face, revealing a second Zeth behind him

"OMGWTFBBQ!" Luigi exclaimed in animated fashion.

"Well it would seem that this version of me, while tracking down your actual father in the past, accidentally misidentified as the man who would actually find the cure to AIDS. Of course we can't have that happening, so I had to return to this time once more to prevent that from happening. Do you follow me?"

"Barely." Luigi said, "Look, just give me the gun and I'll shoot myself, okay? I've seen enough for one lifetime."

"Actually, that won't be necessary." Zeth exclaimed excitedly, "Killing your adoptive father changed the stream of time just enough so that Sarassaland remains a prosperous nation. So that is that."

"So am I still going to be king then?" Luigi asked with hope.

"Er, the Daisy you once knew is now a man in this time line. So I have very high doubts." Zeth replied.

"Then what happens to me?" Luigi asked.

"Oh, you will die cold, alone, and afraid after spending the majority of your life as an alcoholic hobo. Good luck with that." Zeth said before departing in his ball of time-warping energy.

"...So there isn't any mail today?" Luigi asked to no one in particular.


	9. Morbidly Detailed Margins

**Alright, first thing's first. This takes place back when the mario characters were back in high school-**

**"BOOOOOOOO!" members of the audience shouted in disgust. Among the shouts of opposition one person shouted, "Off with his head". A little girl in the audience cried profusely.**

**Settle down! I don't like it any better than you guys do, but it's just the best context for the basic idea of this story to take place, so just bear with me. Now, I've been thinking about what purpose in the Mario world Waluigi really serves. Yeah, yeah, the anti-Luigi, I know. But I feel that Waluigi has a more underlying role to play in the Mario world. Like he was created to fill a niche in the wide cast of characters. And the more I thought about it, the more obvious that underlying role was suppose to be.**

* * *

"Hey guys, what's up." Luigi happily greeted his peers.

"Hey Luigi." Toad replied, scooting in his seat to make room for his green clad friend, "Where's Mario?"

"Probably still home blowing chunks." Luigi replied.

"Oh, that sucks." Korey said from across the table, his mouth full of sandwich, "Tell him I hope he gets well."

"Sure thing." Luigi said, "Frankly, I wish he wasn't sick either, since I didn't have a partner during chemistry this morning."

"Did you have to solo it?" Yoshi asked once he downed his large bite of cantaloupe.

"No, Wario was gone today too, so I got his partner."

Yoshi stuck his tongue out in disgust, "You mean that fat kid who's always farting? I hate him."

"Who doesn't?" Korey interjected.

Luigi took a quick look to his left and right before saying, "Actually, I'd prefer him over his partner Waluigi."

"Who?" Yoshi asked.

"Is he that kid who wears the eyeliner?" Toad asked, "And the tight black jeans?"

Luigi nodded, "Isn't there a word for kids like him?"

"I think they're called 'Emo'." Yoshi stated.

"Come on guys, he can't be that bad." Korey said, having never met this Waluigi guy in person. His friends were quick to disagree.

"I asked to borrow his chem notes for the experiment we were about to do..." Luigi said before taking a bite of his apple, "And he had bad poetry written all over the margins."

"Do you remember any of it?" Toad asked.

"Um, there was one I think went like,

"_I'm gonna draw a picture,_

_A picture with a twist,_

_I'm gonna draw it with a razor blade_

_I'm gonna draw it on my wrist."_

Korey ceased chewing.

"Anything else?" Toad asked, rather more excitedly than Luigi would have liked.

"Um, none that I remember that well. There were also some morbidly detailed games of hangman in between the notes. He also dots his hearts with skulls."

"Guys, don't you think we should tell a counselor or something?" Korey asked with concern. There was a short silence before laughter broke out between Toad and Yoshi.

"Dude, he's just emo. He's just doing it for attention." Yoshi explained once he saw that Korey was serious about the notion.

"Yeah, Emo is just a sissy form of goth. They're all bark, no bite." Toad added, "Right Luigi?"

"I don't know guys, I think Korey may be right." Luigi said once he thought it over, "I had to stop him from drinking the phosphorous twice. The Teacher even took away the scalpel from our station."

Silence followed. Everybody at the table was waiting for someone else to speak up, because they had nothing more to contribute to the conversation. After a moment of awkward staring Korey stood up in his seat.

"I'm sure all he needs is a friend." Korey said as he lifted his tray from the table, "If he wants attention, I'm going to give it to him."

"Good luck with that." Toad said, less sincerely than Korey would have liked. Regardless the koopa made his way across the congested cafeteria towards the table positioned in the far corner. Waluigi sat alone at the table, reading Edgar Allan Poe with a depressed expression as ever.

"Hey Waluigi!" Korey greeted. He earned a quick glance from Waluigi before he returned to his book. Korey took it as an invitation to seat across from him. "So what are you reading?"

"Why are you here?" Waluigi asked with the liveliness of a graveyard.

"Well, I just saw you sitting here all alone." Korey said, fighting to keep his friendly demeanor intact, "So I thought I'd pay you a little visit."

"Hmm." Waluigi grunted as he continued his book. Another moment of silence followed as Korey waited for a longer response.

When he received nothing more he asked, "So how's life?". He finally seemed to break through Waluigi's defenses. Waluigi put down the book and looked at him strait in the eye.

"Dull." Waluigi put simply, "Like this knife."

"I see." Korey said hesitantly as he looked at the plastic knife Waluigi was referring to. More importantly, he noticed the several scrapes across the wrist under the hand Waluigi was using to lift up the knife. Did he really cut himself?

No, there were just scrapes. No actual cuts or scars. Maybe he _was_ just doing all of this for attention, which Korey had to admit was extremely pathetic.

"So you cut yourself?" Korey asked, putting a slight infliction on the word "cut".

"Pain is the only thing I can feel anymore." Waluigi said, reciting what was clearly a prepared response, "It's the only way I feel alive."

"Because a heart beat couldn't possibly tell you the same." Korey pointed out rather sarcastically.

"You just don't understand me." Waluigi said with typical emo fashion, "No one understands me."

"I understand you." Korey stated, "I understand this is all just a facade you put on as a cry for attention because you can't get anyone's sympathy otherwise. That or you're just extremely pathetic and have to cry over every little thing that goes wrong in your life. Grow up."

Korey then exited the table in dramatic fashion to punctuate the fact that he was finished with Waluigi. He couldn't get over how pathetic Waluigi was being during his trip back across the cafeteria. To think he actually had genuine concern for him 5 minutes ago. That quickly passed once he actually met the guy.

"So how was it?" Yoshi asked once Korey had returned, "Any first impressions?"

Korey took his usual seat across from Luigi, clearly regretting the time he had spent with Waluigi. "I think I have to agree with you Luigi. I like the fat kid better."

* * *

**When you look at the facts it becomes pretty clear that Waluigi is an Emo at heart. Thick Eyeliner. Tight black apparel. A clear dislike for all of the happy people around him.**

**He even pronounces his own name like an emo, "Waaaaaaaaah!-luigi". It's really the only way his name actually makes sense.**

**Oh, for those who don't know, Korey is an OC of Cascore, from his "Writer's Block" series. I just needed a 4th character, and decided to give him a cameo since Cascore was really the first one to pick up on the emo vibe Waluigi gives off in his "Not Another Love Story" epic. There, not one but two of your stories advertised Cascore. Consider it your belated birthday present.**


	10. A Stalker's Constitutional

**Boy it's been a while since I've updated this little collection, eh? I've just been really focused on this muder mystery I've been co-authoring with Cascore, and by the way, it's freaking awesome. You guys should definitely check it out after this. (Link in my profile.)**

**So I just watched this thing called "Death Note", which had a pretty interesting concept to it. It's about this kid who finds a book, and when you write someone's name in it, they die. Could you imagine Luigi, in an angst driven rampage, killing everybody in sight when he finds a death note? Man, that sounds just like something I'd write.**

**Anyways, here's a scribblenauts spoof.**

**

* * *

**

"Mario, Mario, you have to check this out!" Luigi shouted as he emerged from the pipe in the Mario Bros.' front lawn.

"What is it?" Mario asked.

"Well, I was on my morning constitutional-"

"Stalking Daisy?" Mario asked.

"Hey, if she and I happen to have the same jogging route-"

"All the way in Sarassaland, many miles out of your way-"

"And I happen to follow 20 feet behind her-"

"After waiting in a bush for half an hour" Mario interjected once more.

"Doesn't mean I'm a stalker. Anyways, as I was walking home I ran into this guy named Maxwell or something dying on the side of the curb."

"He was?" Mario asked, "Did you help him?"

"I would've if there wasn't a lion eating his intestines at the time. Anyways, he looks up at me with his dying breath and tosses me this notebook. Oh, and he also said something about a starite in a tree but I wasn't listening." Luigi explained as he handed Mario the notebook. Mario looked at the inside flap, which held instructions for functioning the note book.

_This notebook holds the power to kill anyone... with your IMAGINATION!!! Simply write in any object and it will appear right before you. Use this notebook to retrieve the starite, or else WE ARE ALL DOOMED. Have fun._

"Wow." Mario said, finding himself at a loss of words. Mario looked at the first page noticing that "Hobo", "Hobo", "Sandwich", and "Gun" were all written in Luigi's handwriting. "What's this?"

"Oh, well I had to test it to see if it works." Luigi commented. "Also, I was curious about the limitations of the morals that society holds against the human condition."

"What did you do?" Mario asked, still confused.

"Well, I summoned two Hobos, gave one a sandwich, and the other one a gun, to see if the armed Hobo would be willing to kill a man for food."

"Oh my god, why would you want to know that?" Mario asked. Luigi shrugged, "So... did the Hobo shoot him?"

"He tried too, but luckily I didn't write bullets, so the gun didn't work." Luigi said.

"Oh, that's goo-"

"So he pistol-whipped him to death."

"..."

"This thing is awesome." Luigi said, reaching for the notebook. Mario held it away from his brother.

"I don't trust you with this thing." Mario said, taking a second look at the list. "I see you also wrote 'Money".

"Yeah, but it gave me something called an "Ollar". How stupid is that?" Luigi commented, clearly disappointed in his failed counterfeit scheme.

"So... this thing mentions something about a starite and total doom." Mario said looking at the inside of the front flap once more, "You think we should try and get this starite thing?"

"If you want. It'll probably be close to that Maxwell guy I mentioned earlier."

"Alright then, let's go." Mario said, before being pulled back by his brother.

"Whoa there, who says we have to travel on foot? Why don't we let the notebook take care of transportation?" Luigi reasoned.

"Like writing 'Car"? Mario asked.

"Like writing 'Pterodactyl". Luigi answered.

"Um... I don't know how to spell that." Mario admitted.

"Oh, then how about dragon?" Luigi said, "That way we could breathe fire to boot."

Mario, ignoring Luigi's sudden interest in pyromania, wrote in 'Dragon'. The next thing he knew the fire breathing beast was staring him right in the face. Luigi hopped on it's back immediately, with Mario in tow. In no time they were skyward, flying through the clouds on their way to Sarrasaland. Along the way Luigi opted for some target practice in the form of a flock of geese, but Mario was quick to put an end to that, summoning "muzzle" to be placed over Luigi's mouth before he could command the dragon.

"I think this is it." Mario said, noticing a kid in what could only be described as a silly rooster hat that could only serve as a pre-order bonus for an upcoming game. Next to him was a tree with a star looking item stuck in it's branches.

"How should we get it down?" Mario asked his brother. "Luigi?"

"abrgrdwaion!" Luigi angrily shouted through his muzzle.

"Oops, sorry." Mario said, striking through "Muzzle" on the list. The muzzle disappeared in a poof, allowing Luigi to speak.

"Well, I'd say to burn down the tree-"

"Naturally" Mario commented.

"But we might burn the starite in the process." Luigi reasoned.

"We could chop down the tree." Mario said, writing "axe". It appeared next to him, plummeting thirty feet to the ground.

"Aw, I don't feel like chopping down a tree." Luigi whined. Mario rolled his eyes and summoned a lumberjack. He also appeared next to Mario before falling 30 feet. With a sickening splat, Mario commanded the dragon to lower to the ground, and summoned a second lumberjack. He instantly grabbed the axe and chopped down the tree in 3 mighty whacks. The starite fell to the ground, which Luigi was quick to grab.

"VICTORY IS LUIGI!" Luigi yelled, before receiving a large pile of useless ollars for retrieving the starite.

"Do you think we should help the Maxwell guy?" Mario asked.

"Heck no, he might want the notebook back." Luigi said.

"Come on Luigi, you know we have to do the right thing." Mario said, before summoning zombie. The zombie, smelling the sweet stench of brain, immediately latched onto maxwell, turning him into a zombie in the process.

"Ah!" Maxwell yelled, having become one of the living dead. "Brrrrrains..."

"I don't like the way he's looking at me bro." Luigi said, still holding the starite.

Mario striked through the word zombie before writing "antidote" in the notebook. The zombie almost leapt on Luigi and his delicious brains before disappearing in a puff of smoke in midair. A bottle with a strange liquid plopped into Luigi's hand.

"Throw it at Maxwell." Mario shouted. Luigi did as instructed, and in another puff of smoke Maxwell returned back to normal, intestines intact.

"Oh, man. Where was I?" Maxwell asked, "The last thing I remember, I summoned a lion to climb the tree, and the next thing I know I'm asking a creepy stalker-"

"Not a stalker" Luigi interjected.

"-to take my notebook. By the way, do you still have it?"

"Yeah, up here." Mario called from his spot on the dragon. He lobbed the notebook down to Maxwell.

"Great. And I see you also found my starite for me. Hand it over."

"No." Luigi said, holding the starite close to his chest. "Do you know how much I could get at the pawn shop for this baby? 20, maybe 30 dollars!"

"Did I mention that Starite is essentially a ticking bomb in your world?" Maxwell mentioned, "That's why I have to go world to world picking them up."

"AH!" Luigi yelped, shoving the starite into Maxwell.

"Is that true?" Mario asked.

"Nah. I was just kidding. Later!" Maxwell said, before disappearing in a puff of smoke. Everything summoned in the world also disappeared including Mario's dragon, the lumberjack, the dead lumberjack, the axe, the lion, the hobo, the dead hobo, the gun, and the sandwich (considering if it wasn't already digested). The ollars also disappeared, leaving the Mario Bros. with nothing but dumbfounded looks on their faces.

"Well, I'm gonna go for a jog." Luigi said, before running down the street in pursuit of a passing Daisy.

* * *

**My copy's already pre-ordered, and that hobo scenario's is pretty much the first thing I'll do, simply out of morbid curiosity. Anyone else getting Scribblenauts? And if so, what's the first thing you're going to do at the title screen? :D**


	11. TylenLOL!

**Man you guys, I've got the flu something bad. Yesterday I honestly thought I was going to die (it hurt my throat to breathe let alone eat or drink), but I'm a bit better today. However, the drugs I've taken (a tylenol pill) are starting to take their hold, and a few hours ago I came up with simply the greatest eating establishment ever imagined.**

**Any bets on how great the idea actually turned out to be once I got off my tylenol high?**

* * *

"Alright Luigi, this is our last chance, we can't blow this opportunity." Mario said. He and his brother stood outside of the national Koopa Bank. If they didn't get this loan, then all was lost.

"Relax Mario, this idea is absolutely fool-proof." Luigi said, patting the graphs, charts, and statistics he held under his arm, "It's in the bag."

"But it's been such a rough economy. We'll have to make a really strong case."

"And we will. If this doesn't go through then I'll sell my organs for cash, deal?"

"Alright." Mario said, still unconvinced. With a nod they entered the bank. After asking the tellers where they could seek a loan, they entered a simple office where a Toad silently did his paperwork.

"Oh, come in. I understand you two are here about a loan." The Toad greeted. The brothers took the two seats across from here, "Now, what did you two have in mind for your business?"

"Only the most revolutionary business idea of this very century!" Luigi announced, "Imagine it, a pancake house, that specializes in waffles. Studies show that there a very strong demographic for such an establishment."

"I see." The Toad said, looking over the many files Luigi had presented, "And you've already settled on a name I see. The... "ROFL Waffle'?"

"Yes!" Luigi said exuberantly, "A restaurant that also serves as a comedy club, attracting those of the comedic demographic as well."

"Well, I don't know if I can greenlight this." The Toad said solemnly.

"What? Why not?" Mario asked.

"Well for one thing, for your business plan you put "Pwnz0rz IHOP, lolz."

"A very sound business plan if you ask me." Luigi said, "Competition would only get in the way of profits."

"I was actually going to bring up that point as well." The Toad said, pulling out another piece of paper, "For your profits margin, your projected 1,337 billion dollars by the end of the first quarter."

"I believe that's pronounced, 'leet-billion dollars'." Luigi corrected.

"You two expect to make a tenth of the national debt by the end of 3 months? Even with your complimentary teabags I don't you could attract enough-"

"Actually that says complimentary 'teabagging'."

"What's the difference?" The Toad asked.

"GOD, don't be such a noob!" Mario shouted.

"Is this some kind of joke?" The Toad asked, searching for any hidden cameras.

"Whatever, we didn't want your help anyways." Luigi said, standing up in his seat, "Loans FTL."

And with that, the Mario brothers made their dramatic leave, leaving the Toad utterly confused about what just happened. Outside the bank the brothers were less than confident.

"Is he chasing after us yet?" Luigi asked. Mario looked back at the bank.

"No."

"Don't worry, he'll be groveling for our idea any second now. Just you watch." Mario grabbed him by the collar and began dragging him across the pavement.

" Hey, where are you going?" Luigi asked when Mario made a sharp left turn.

"I hear the hospital's looking for an organ donor." Mario said.

* * *

**Sorry about the short chapter guys, but I'm just not feeling up to writing right now. Wish me better, because those brats who'll get my inheritance certainly aren't.**


	12. Ode to the greenclad man

**If there is one thing I noticed since reading fanfiction, it's that every author has their own version of Luigi. Sometimes he's snide and overly confident, other times he's absolutely miserable, trudging through life with the weight of the world on his shoulders. This is a small tribute to all of the versions and interpretations of the man we know as Luigi.  
**

* * *

Ode to the haunted green-clad man, stricken by the jester's spell.

Eternally tormented by a shadowy figure, one they call "Mr.L".

He emerges slowly, takes shape and form, either by force or the green-clad man's spite.

An alter-ego, a darkly credo, Mr. L's vengeance takes flight.

Ode to the cursed green-clad man, perpetually down on his luck.

Tripped over his laces, face planted in the mud, only to be trampled by a semi truck.

A palpable stench of rotten aura permeates his being, and lingers on his colleagues.

It's said misery loves company, but misery loves the green-clad man.

Ode to the jealous green-clad man, living in the shadows of another.

Wallowing in self-pity, constantly comparing himself to his brother.

The green-clad man bases his self-worth on the actions of others,

Only to find that he would have been better off not to have ever bothered.

Ode to the love-struck green-clad man, with his hopes aimed too high.

Swooning from afar, he's hesitant to act, for the green-clad man is much too shy.

Trembling knees, neck hair on end, he blushes as she looks his way.

But she looks back, uninterested at that, and he knows today's not the day.

Ode to the cowardly green-clad man, who thinks with his feet rather than his fists.

Afraid of ghosts and ghouls, of creaks and squeaks, and thousands more make the lists.

But the greed-clad man simply states that the wobbling legs and fainting spells,

Are part of his unique fighting style, "The Startled Gazelle."

Ode to the green-clad man, who is all of these faces and more.

Bumbling, idiotic, but athletic and intelligent, and several more contradicting faces score.

The green-clad man cannot be defined by one word definitions.

Instead he is a culmination, a cornucopia of moods, ideas, and visions.

The green-clad man is cowardly, but brave, bumbling but agile on court.

Ambitious, wry, and wondering why all Shyguys are so short.

So 3 cheers to the green-clad man, who shows we are not terms unconditional,

We are changed, we are adapted, we are a blend of ideas new and traditional.

* * *

**Fun Fact: Did you know the only thing that rhymes with "Luigi" is "Squeegee"? **


End file.
